Where Were The Stripes

I saw stars but where were the strips? The Pinstripes in fact. The clutch hit, the sacrifice fly, the something that would have, should have had the Bombers moving easily past the Detroit Bengals. Now to be truthful - don't say it Janice - I don't think this should have even gone five games. The Yankee lineup is twice that of the Detroit crew and the Bronx bullpen could save nearly any game on the Brinx this season.

So here we are. Congratulations to the Tigers. The Yankees have some work to do, maybe getting more pitching, some blue collar outfielders who can hit in the clutch, and hope Minka and DJ don't re-unite as we saw the results as Derek hit .330 the rest of the way.

So though we had some fun, it is again a year of failure. No championship and no parade, hey that ain't OK.

We better win it all next year.

Granderson for Most Valuable Yankee

Is this guy aces or what? I should have known when my cousin Freddie told me he had him on his fantasy team that Granderson was great cause Freddie knows ball, but to be honest fantasy baseball is for weiners.

But to my point, Curtis those two catches last night saved the bacon of more than one guy but none more so than AJ. Thanks for the 5 2/3 innings of mediocrity now go cash your check. We're moving on to game five and it's a showdown in the Bronx with El Tigres.

Bring it on Kitty Cats.

Well Whaddya Know

The Yankees came up the victors in a game that took two days to finish. Nice. You were super Nova, and I really mean it. (Looks like that joke isn't going away so get used to it.) The rain trickled as did the Tigers offense until a late inning surge. Reminder to Larry - do not call me during games anymore to see if your cable receives a quicker signal than mine. Enough with that already.

OK so tomorrow we are putting up a Garcia, not Andy and certainly not Sergio, but a crafty one named Freddie.

Let's go make the Universe proud fellas.

Wow Baseball

On what was maybe the most exciting night coast to coast in the history of Major League Baseball, I'm still drunk off of that cheap beer Chris bought, and I still can't believe how it all played out. Those brats from Boston let their fans down yet again...like a Timex with a gag reflex they take a licking and keep on ...losing in September. And that's fine with Fredi Gonzalez and his Atlanta Braves who blew a lead almost as large in the last month and then gave it up last night in the late inning swoon.

This was history fellas. I was watching with Jimmy, Dougie, Bernie and Al, Twice Charlie and The Gilberto Brothers. Jimmy you owe me ten bucks by the way. We had some fun and some laughs, none harder than when Bernie dangled spoons of his nose and sang Tenth Avenue Freeze Out with Al on imaginary horns.

Let the games begin.

Clinching First

As it always is and always will be, first place is the Yankees natural state and tonight they proved that yet again as they clinched the American League East. Champagne was poppin' post game and even Kim Jones got soaked. I think of her like a sister at this point so seeing her there all lathered up with suds did little for me. Oh well.

Let's get ready for October fellas.

Yankee Fans Up The Way

It's almost too much fun watching the Stinky Red Sox have to cheer us on as we try and help them make the post season. Will they send us flowers? We like blue violets Dustin.

Cano Doing It Again

Robinson Cano is now officially the best player on the team. Grandy might be having the best year but Cano is clearly the best hitter and his fielding is Gold Glove caliber. He's turning into a Yankee lifer and we may not see his number worn again at this pace. He's named after the great Jackie Robinson and that alone should be enough to declare him a YANKEE GREAT.

C'mon fellas, don't take your foot off the pedal now!

Thumbing It

A-Rod's thumb is still barking, not because he jammed it two weeks ago and not because it needs another week's rest but because the guy is getting freaking old. This guy better come back strong next year or the contract he signed is gonna make the AOL-Time Warner deal look brilliant.

CC tonight. Go get em good guys.

That's More Like It

The Yanks made it through another Burnett outing and the bullpen looked as good as Brooke Burke in a bikini. Those patsies from Beantown went down 2 games to 1 and now the Yanks should make their move. If only my cousin Roseanne would move her Camaro now so I can get my car outta the driveway because the fellas are waiting for me over at Stan's. Roseanne! You're Burnetting me!

Lady Says No Baseball

Irene says no games so we can't play. I haven't met this kind of Woman since my ex, Donna. Donna if you're reading this, you took my leather jacket and you know it.

Yanx Set Record With Three Big Doinkers

Robinson Cano, Russell Martin, and Curtis "Isn't He" Granderson all hit Big Doinkers today setting an all time major league record. Three Grand Slams have never been done before, as in EVER, unless you count Jeter's weekend in Cabo in '98. Nice work fellas.

Things I Would Trade AJ Burnett For Right Now:

1- An AJ Burnett baseball card
2- Some lint
3- Sparky Lyle's Moustache
4- Present day Nolan Ryan
5- Rain

Pull the trigger CASHman.

Grinding It Out

Tonight was a good win because they wanted C.C. to get back on track and yet all these dingers make one think they need to be hot come post-season.  Speaking of post-season I am saying it right now Tommy, we're watching at our place this year because your family is too freaking loud and they bother me.

NY Steak Joint Definitely Cool

I recently tried the NY Yankee Steak House and I can say with confidence it's a home run. Freaking-A, the steak was fantastic, the oysters fresh and the location primo. The waiter wasn't Bubba Crosby which woulda been a nice touch but hey I still give it Four Freaking Stars.

Oh, and good win today against the halos.

What A Bunch of Losers

Do the ugly boys from Beantown realize their "Friday Night" red shirts are as ridiculous as singing "Sweet Caroline" at a baseball game? The Yanks need to pound them into the hill tomorrow because C.C. had a rare bump in the road today and those rodents in red acted out their childhood fantasy of having their leadoff hitter hit three run homers. Someone slap that Pillsbury kid will ya? Where did he get those eyebrows anyway? Someone make Papi nervous in the box. Someone make sure these Yankees understand that second place isn't good enough. Before the playoffs even.

Chavezzing in the Rain

Eric Chavez has always been a special player. Gifted with great hands and a technically sound fielder he also could hit back in the dAy's when he played for Oakland. As he comes back to play 3rd tonight we see him playing well, trying to earn a spot at the pipe until our clean up hitter gets back to being an RBI lothario. AJ is taking the hill which means we should be in the game until the 5th inning. You're a #2 starter AJ maybe you could at least pitch like a #3? Cause sometimes you pitch like the other #2.

AJ The Butcher

If he sold meat, he might be the most valuable guy on the team. I say that because AJ Burnett continues to be a butcher, hacking his way through innings until he hits bone where he believes the only way out is right down the pike. Come on AJ. Throw the freaking changeup will ya? And to boot, the attitude. Come on man, you know everyone's watching you so stop the theatrics, the eyerolls, the sourpuss Mr. Macho angry face you make anytime Joe comes to get you. You should be an ace, not slapping bacon.

The Greatest

If Babe Ruth were here today what would you tell him? Well hold that thought just a minute because he is here, in the modern form of Mariano Rivera. The man is such a great pitcher it's beyond any current means of measurement and the guy's more of a class act that maybe anyone in all of sports. We ain't never seeing a guy like this again. So enjoy and thanks Mo.

C.C. For Yourself

With his record in pinstripes and his slide-stopping ability, he is a definite ACE and he just may go down as one of the greatest of all Yankee hurlers. As we await the return of Phil Hughes' stuff and Joba's presence we all need to be reminded that you can still buy W's if you spend your dollars just right. C.C. doesn't get enough credit in a league that resents the Universe's winning ways and yet he never balks at the press stand. Can we be grateful enough? I don't freaking think so.

And here's a call out to one of our favorite Yankees, our sure handed first baseman Mark Teixeira: Big guy, we need you. A-Rod is eating sushi with Cameron Diaz as his knee mends and we need that .240 average to creep towards the more respectable .280 mark before season's end. The power is there but the regularity ain't. Come on Tex!

And lastly congratulations to Robinson Cano for winning the Home Run Derby which has turned into a freak show crossed with a circus. But congrats anyway, Robbie you can slug with the best of them now.

Captain 3000

As if pre-written by the Baseball History Book, our beloved Captain not only hit his 3000th ball but did it with a shot of a homer and then he turns around and wins the game with a single in the 8th. Need we say more? Probably not but we will. This guy is so tremendous that he transcends, as they say, the sport. In this hyper-specialized world we live in where there's a type of dentist for every different tooth, here's a guy who isn't the greatest in any single category, but is one of the greats ever. While all the numbers crunchers complain of his fielding percentage averages and other assorted crapola, in the things that always seemed important to me: winning, effort and sportsmanship, he is the best.

We know where you went Joe DiMaggio...you went to shortstop.

2 More For #2 for 3,000

As the rain halts Derek's march towards 3,000 for one more night, we are sitting around finishing a case of Miller High Life and tossing Derek Facts around. Here are a few we thought most interesting (some more than others actually):

• When Derek was 12, he got Dave Winfield’s autograph in the Tiger Stadium parking lot. 
• In high school, he struck out just once his senior year.
• Derek established a post-season record for hits by a rookie in 1996, with 22.
• During Derek’s first year in the majors, he listened to Mariah Carey CDs as part of his pre-game routine. During his second year, he was dating Mariah. Derek has also been linked to Scarlett Johansson, former Miss Universe Lara Dutta, Jordana Brewster, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Minka Kelly.

That's some lineup.

We Want More Captain

Dear Derek,

We know you are working hard to get back to work, and although Mr. Nunez hasn't played poorly, his cast iron hands are a constant reminder to us how much we need you.  Not to mention you're just a few AB's away from the 3,000 club and that's gonna sell a crap load of memorabilia and I got a buddy who owns two stands at the Stadium so ...we look forward to that milestone.  While you are reading this, and getting a back rub from a bikini wearing Ms. Kelly, ...I am left wondering why I am even writing to you as I struggle to hold that visual in my head.

Yours truly,
The Fans Maldonado

National Nova

As Nova tosses another 'who'dathunkit six inning sketch in the sand', the Yanks find themselves on a bit of a hot streak. Does this mean I've forgotten all about their complete INCOMPETENCE against the ballerinas from Beantown? No freaking way.

I wanna see some Red Legged destruction come September and that might mean we need to call on the CashMan to pull a few strings and break out the Amex card. Are you listening Brian?

ENOUGH ALREADY

Hey Hal, Hank, et al,
Are you freaking kidding me? This isn't an end-of-the-world rant because it is only June but there's something bigger going on here. The Yankees have always maintained a dominant attitude towards the lesser men from Boston and now all this, "Be patient" BS has come to translate to a lackadaisical team who gets their head's handed to them by red legged ugly people. ENOUGH.

Go get me a pitcher and I don't care if you he's from the South Pole. Get a REAL batting coach or fire all your Hall of Famer's hitting .280 or less. And someone tell Girardi to let the buzz cut grow out a little, will ya?

Western Front

Facing the best pitchers the West Coast could offer, the Yanks now head home with a 6-3 on the trip, also swiping a few Pina Coladas on the way. Tex came up big today hitting two.  Swisher did his part. And John Sterling had John Sterling moments.

Good thing too, because on this upcoming home stand we got Indians, Rangers and those awful losers from Beantown next up on the schedule.  Hopefully the staff can piece together a few decent starts and the New York sun can heat up these bats.

And as The Captain's 3000th approaches the eyes will become more and more focused on Derek. Let's see if he can get it at home and toss in a little of that Jeter flair.

Grandyman's Sweet

If it weren't for Curtis Granderson the Yankees might be looking up at more teams than we'd like to admit here, this guy's been amazing.

What is it Curtis? Are you eating double porterhouses at Smith & Wollensky's every other day?

Can some of our other sluggers try and pick it up to at least a slow jog here before we hit June?

OK enough of this, I'm heading to Ray's for a midnight slice.

This Colon Smells Like Victory

Bartolo who woulda thunk? You look like you should be fishing for bluefish on the shores of some sandy beach head but instead you toss inning after inning of ball for us. You keep us in games and even when it takes a few extra innings, you propel us to victory. How about that.

Now if we can just get some HITS.

Bronx Zoology

If I didn't know better I'd thought I was wearing my Tony Manero white three piece while doubling up on some slices from Ray's...because this team reminds me of '78 when we could see early on Billy's drinking and Reggie's straw-stirring weren't a good match.

Jorge apologizes but to who? Cashman makes amends but for what? The Yankee brass is supposedly angry at Jeter but why? Suddenly this thing's got us playing Marcia Clark and her haircut would look awful on me. So let's not.

Let's give Jorge the benefit of the doubt. Whatever that even means. Let's say all of you, Cash, Joe G, Jeter, Swisher, Harpo and even Zeppo, howsa bout ALL of you get together and figure out a ways to WIN.

OK?

Bronx Chaos

As the vaunted Yankees dropped ANOTHER game to those yellow bellied jack o lanterns from Beantown, Jorge Posada asks out of the game and then all hell broke loose. Joe Buck sat there stammering with Sarah Silverman, a famous pink hat, while Tim McCarver looked as if he wanted to leave the country. Two bleeps later FOX was hoping to return their credibility (wait, ....ok nevermind) when Cashman goes on and says "it wasn't injury it was...". When did Brian Cashman turn into Monte Hall? I want answers people.

So as we sit here awaiting word on what's up Georgie, we need to figure out how to make this team better. Kevin Long? Hey Hall of Famer's go through long stretches where nobody can hit and nobody looks around at this guy. Messing with Jeter's swing, changing Alex's leg kick, suddenly this guys turning into Bob Fosse.

Gimme a freaking break.

Freedom Rings

It's only appropriate that the greatest team that ever was claims victory on this day. God Bless America and the New York Yankees.

Balti-less Is More

So off we went, our yearly excursion to the land of crab cakes and rain showers. The Yankees went on a three game set to Baltimore and ended up playing two, because of Friday night's constant drizzle. What that meant for me was something akin to a Roman Festival Meal at a local seafood house on the pier. Mussels in white wine should be served at da Stadium without question.

The Pin Stripes won both games, one a big hitting laugher and another a nervous laugher in extra innings. Granderson looks to be saving our bacon a bit much for a number 2 hitter but we'll take it.

We will be back to do some more damage later in the year and hopefully the city has double upped on tartar sauce by then.

Two Outta Three Ain't Good

Come on for freaking out loud. One of three out of the Boston series to a team that can't get outta it's own freakin' way? Joe, light me a fire baby, we need some warriors come playoff time so harness up the oxbow and teach them boys how to hunt!

What the heck am I talking about?

Let's Rumble

It's underway in the Bronx and my shorts are riding high. The team looks solid. AJ has shown up so far but he's under permanent microscope duty this year. The team is 4-2 and just in time to meet the incoming pansies from up the Pike. This season is young and so are my Uncle Louie's girlfriend's lately, but youth springs eternally and if we can get some hitting and some pitching moving in the same direction this weekend, it'll be one dollar drafts at Stan's all weekend.

Is It Thursday Yet?

I always get extra excited this time of year. It's the smell of spring or something other than pot roast.

The 2011 season is coming soon and the weatherman better cooperate. I wanna hear about snow less than Mayor Bloomberg right about now.

Curtis Granderson's so excited he pulled a lavitcus muscle jumping up and down on the team bus. I'm gonna go outside now and check the barometer.

Stay tuned.

The Pitch

So as we approach the holiday known as Opening Day, I've broken out the good china for an assortment of Hot Dogs and Nachos. And good thing I did because Bartolo Colon looks to be coming north with the team and he certainly is no stranger to the buffet table.

CC on the other hand looks slim and trim, and we like him more and more every year. Phil Hughes should come ready because he is now officially an important part of this team. No more kid stuff Phillip, it's time to thicken those pin stripes and be the star we know you can be. Nova looks to be riding the fourth spot in the rotation and we only hope he's Chevy tough. As for AJ, well at best we think he's a numskull, but he's OUR numskull so go get em AJ.

The pen was bolstered by the Soriano signing though Cashman is still angry. Mo is the coolest guy on the team, slightly usurping the Captain and we can't wait to see him. Joba looks a bit hefty but as long as he throws smoke he can have all the wings he wants. Robertson? Just don't throw too many straight down the middle and you should be fine.

The manager and the bench all look good and hopefully they got enough sunflower seeds to get them through November.

Pack your Tampa bags next week and come to the Stadium, and don't forget to bring the weather with you.

Around The Horn

As we finally approach Opening Day we can put away the mittens, the Chapstick and the hot cocoa and get our balls and bats ready for the 2011 Season.

The Yankees are making their way through the Tampa pre-season like a lukewarm knife through fudge. But being of the mind that it's better to stay quiet and prepare, this year's Yankees are playing it cool.

Taking a gander round the horn we can see our team on a more one-on-one basis.

Jorge won't be behind the dish as much anymore and that's too bad for us Jorge fans but it's unfortunately also probably bad news for last years opposing base runners. Russell Martin should be a solid backstop as Big Baby Jesus II is in the on deck circle.

First is Tex's domain and he seems to be ready to mash but it's his glove I love.

Second base is covered by newly minted superstar Robbie Cano, whaddya know.

Third base hinges on A-Rod's hip but he looks good enough to Twist and Shout.

And at Shortstop is El Capitaine, everyone's poster boy, Derek Jeter.  His new contract clearly expresses his feelings that there's no place like home.

And in the Outfield we got speed and good haircuts in Gardner, Granderson and Swisher.

Let's see if we can put together our wood and make this lineup SWING.

Thanks Andy

Andy Pettitte's gonna take one of the greatest pickoff moves of all time back to his home in TX and we kinda had a feeling. I mean why would a guy with 5 rings and truckfuls of wampum come back to a team that has a 'going rogue' GM and a guy named Sergio pitching behind you. (Isn't Sergio officially a waiter's name?...I need a fork Sergio)

But in any case we thank you Anderoo, 240 victories of hard fought, cap down to the brim-of-his-eyes Yankee baseball.

But stay by the phone Andy, we may need you come June, if we call just let it ring FIVE times.

Spring Training Here We Come

In New York we all respect the Mara's and the way they do business but will you at least borrow Jesus Montero and let him give middle linebacker a shot? We need to see someone big, young and who knows how to hold onto the ball next year.

Speaking of holding the ball, is Jorge going to be OK DH'ing? We love Georgie but c'mon, he wasn't exactly top notch late last year behind the dish. If he hits he will continue to be a great Yankee.

No word on Derek's supposed wedding and we hope A-Rod is doing all right because we haven't seen him in the gossip pages for a while now.  Maybe he's happy Diaz-ing.

And for the new year we wanna wish the best to everyone and we also hope Girardi let's his hair grow out, brings us another ring, and does more Taco Bell commercials.

Speaking of commercials where's Mariano's Emmy?